Another Life
by Nancy T
Summary: Alternate universe, inspired by a poll question on a TV network website: Which LOCI character would make the best criminal? Four-parter; part 4 is up.
1. Chapter 1

_"Law and Order: Criminal Intent," including the characters of Robert Goren, Alexandra Eames, Mike Logan, and Megan Wheeler, is a Wolf Films production copyrighted by Universal Network Television._

When Logan burst into the observation booth off the interrogation room, Goren was standing perfectly still, watching the suspect through the one-way glass, exactly as he'd been standing when Logan left.

"Sorry to take so long, but I wanted to get another witness," Logan said.

Only then did Goren turn to see the woman with the pixie haircut Logan had brought in. She was petite as it was, and between Goren and Logan she was dwarfed.

"Wheeler is new to Major Case, and I understand you haven't crossed paths yet," Logan continued. "Detective Wheeler, this is my partner, Detective Goren."

She extended her hand with a grin. "I'm pleased to meet you. You're kind of a legend around here."

Goren didn't know what to do with that. "Oh. Um, thanks. Uh, why bring another witness?"

Logan looked patient. "A female suspect waives her right to an attorney during interrogation. My partner wants to interview her alone. The recording equipment is circa 1956. If the suspect claims that you promised to let her off the hook in exchange for favors, I want a female detective to be able to say nothing like that happened. And Wheeler here is the perfect witness, she has a reputation as a Girl Scout." He glanced at her. "No offense."

"None taken," said Wheeler, who had obviously thought it was a compliment.

"Thanks. Thank you." Goren was looking at the suspect again. "But she wouldn't make any claims like that."

Logan rolled his eyes at Wheeler. "The oracle. Sees the future and reads minds."

"Yeah," Wheeler laughed, "that's _his_ reputation."

"Look," Logan said to Goren, "we've been investigating this murder for a week now. You've had plenty of chances to stare at her. Is there something interesting she's doing in there? 'Cause I'm not seein' it."

"She's not doing anything." Goren smiled briefly. "That is the curious incident. She's been arrested for murder; she knows she's about to be interrogated; we've left her waiting in there for 15 minutes; and she's been sitting there perfectly still, hands folded on the table, looking around occasionally at the tape player or the TV. Casual interest. Whatever's going on inside, she's not going to let it show on the surface. She's going to be very hard to roil."

Logan flashed a piece of paper. "This ought to do it."

"Only if we build it right. And even then, no guarantees," Goren said, heading for the door.

"When you close the binder?"

"Right," and Goren closed the door behind him.

He reappeared a moment later and sat with his back to the observers, facing the suspect. He'd been wrong, he noted mentally as he put the zippered binder on the table. There was one outside indication of inner turmoil, a very slight pucker of tension at the edges of her delicate mouth. But that was all. She even nodded a little as he sat down, recognizing and greeting him.

"All right," Goren said, "I'm Detective Robert Goren of the Major Case Squad. Questioning Alexandra, Alex, Eames about the murder of Joshua Kennan. You've been advised of your rights and you've waived your right to have counsel present, is that correct?"

She was looking at him as though something had caught her. "Um – yes, that's correct. Because I didn't do it and you have no evidence against me."

He chuckled a little, flipping the binder open. "Well. We'll see."

"I didn't realize you were from the Major Case Squad. I thought you were from Homicide," Alex said.

"Does it matter?"

She shook her head with a little, grim smile. "No. It just makes sense." Her voice, familiar to him now, was quiet and warm. She had excellent grammar and diction with just a faint trace of the street, enough to remind you that her clients weren't academics and socialites.

"Makes sense how?"

"A sociopath gets killed by his drug-dealer buddies, and because he was the nephew of a millionaire, two people from the Major Case Squad are assigned to it. As opposed to my client who had just got clean and quit hooking and had lined up a minimum-wage job cleaning offices. When her former pimp stalked her and killed her, it was all I could do to sustain one Homicide detective's interest in the case."

Goren's gaze wavered a little. "Yes. The assignments aren't always – Well, they're not up to me. But the fact is, we're not discussing that case now. We're discussing the murder of Josh Kennan."

She simply looked at him.

"But – but there is a connection, obviously. You'd known a woman who was killed by a stalker, so you were afraid your sister would be killed by Kennan."

She shrugged a little. "Everyone who knew her was afraid of that. You know her boss used to close up the coffee shop at night to walk her to the subway and make sure she got on it safely? Fifteen, twenty minutes of business he missed every night she worked there. We were all afraid he would kill her."

"But only one of you did something about it."

"He was an ex-convict with violent tendencies and violent associates. I don't know why you're focusing on my family."

He said forcefully, staring her down, "I'm not focusing on your family. I'm focusing on you."

She flinched just a little. He suddenly said, "Why Alex?"

"What?"

As fast as his voice had grown hard, it was suddenly convivial. "Why go by the nickname Alex? Why not Sandra, or Sandy?"

She wrinkled her nose a little, drawing out the name nasally. "Saaaandy? It's not 1960. And I'm not in high school."

"It is sort of a – a pink-poodle name," Goren said. He grinned and pointed at her playfully. "Alex is stronger. You were a daddy's girl."

"Um, a little."

"Why didn't you become a cop? Like him?"

"I thought about it." Her face and voice were relaxing in spite of herself. "But I had a friend in school whose life, her mother's life too, were changed by an outstanding social worker. Not that they didn't work hard at it themselves. But I know what that lady did, the efforts she made for them, and I thought, even if you could only really help ten percent of your caseload, that would be – that would be worth spending your life doing."

"You became a social worker to protect people."

"From themselves, mostly."

"Like you wanted to protect your sister."

"Well – "

"You did want to protect her, didn't you?"

"Yes, but – "

"But what? You didn't want her stalker out of her life?"

"Of course."

"But you stood by and did nothing?"

"I helped her with the evidence for her case."

"The case was never filed."

"It would have been, soon. We needed – "

"And if it had been, what would he have gotten? Two, three years? That's not much protection for a sister you love."

"I understand the law," Alex said, her voice shaking only slightly. "I understand that you can't arrest someone for something they might do. I understand that if someone makes a call from a pay phone you can't prove who made it. I understand that unless someone sees it, you can't prove who sent her unsigned romantic cards or threatening letters, or who put a decapitated cat on her front porch while she and her husband were asleep."

"You couldn't prove it. But you knew."

"Of course."

"And you'd always hated him, anyway."

"No. Not hated. I didn't like him. He would laugh at things no one else found funny. He'd take personal offense at ridiculous things. He hovered over Kathy. I just got a bad feeling from him."

"He was a customer at the coffee shop, yes? He flirted with her, they dated, she broke it off at your suggestion – "

"No. She broke it off on her own. At first she thought his controlling was just insecurity, he'd get over it when he knew for sure that she loved him. But Kathy's not stupid. She realized finally that he was just – there was something seriously wrong with him, and broke up – You know all this."

Goren said smoothly, "I want to get the viewpoint of the one person who was on to him from the beginning. You weren't surprised when he went to prison."

"I wasn't surprised that he almost killed someone in a bar brawl. I wasn't surprised that he blamed his outburst on Kathy, for breaking up with him. I was surprised that he actually spent three years in jail. Kathy told me how he'd used his family connections before, to keep himself out of trouble."

"So Kathy found Ben – "

"Ben found her. She was so gun-shy she almost wouldn't give him a chance. But Ben is great, so patient. And Kathy needs – " Her voice broke a little, and Goren tilted his head. "She's, you know, the kind of woman who ought to be married."

"And you're not?"

She looked startled. "No – I – just never met anyone – "

She looked away from him, looked back, and finished, " – the right guy."

There was an odd little moment of silence.


	2. Chapter 2

Then Goren resumed, "You suspected that Kennan would come after Kathy when he was released."

"No. We all thought that was just a bad chapter of the past."

"And then the phone calls, and the letters, and the flowers, and you knew it was Kennan, didn't you?"

"Of course. Kathy recognized his voice -- "

"You'd had a bad feeling from the beginning, and you decided that Kathy would be in danger as soon as he was out, didn't you?"

"No. I told you – "

"In spite of the fact that there is no record that Josh Kennan ever harassed or injured a woman in his life."

"That we know –"

"You never saw his face! You never saw him doing anything!" Goren was almost shouting. "But you, somehow, just knew Kennan was a mortal danger to your sister!"

"Of course he –"

"So it never occurs to you that maybe, just maybe, you killed the wrong man?"

She damn near slid into it. She had her tongue poised to start the word, "No."

Then she stopped, swallowed, sat back and said quietly, "I didn't kill anyone."

"You did, Alex." Goren's voice was warm, confidential. "You know it, and I know it. You hate lying about it. That's why you waived counsel, you don't want to drag anyone else into your lie. Let the lie go. I can help you, I – I want to help you."

Their gazes locked. The silence stretched out; he was going to make her speak first.

"I think you do," Alex said at last, softly. "But you have nothing to help me with. I didn't kill anyone."

His elbow propped on the table, Goren waved his hand as he shook his head. "No. No. Of course not. You and your firefighter brother and your ex-cop father all just sat and watched while this train bore down on Kathy."

Alex closed her eyes, opened them.

Goren looked down at his notes. "Tell me – tell me about this incident with the wheel of her car."

"Hasn't she already – "

"I'm not asking her, I'm asking you."

Alex cleared her throat, looked down at the table, looked up. "About two weeks ago, Kathy's tires were slashed."

"No, I'm talking about the incident where the wheel came off."

"So am I. She had to have the tires replaced, of course. The next day when she was driving to the store the left front wheel came off. If she'd been on an expressway – The police said she should include it in the journal she was keeping, but there was no way to prove that the guy who put on the new tires hadn't just failed to tighten the nuts enough."

"And so – " Goren looked at his notes again – "you thought a big party would make her feel better about this attempt on her life?"

Alex laughed a little explosively. "Not exactly."

"But the party on the night of the murder was your idea."

"The party was my idea. I didn't know he was going to be killed that night, of course. I just knew that Kathy was pulling away from everyone – her friends, her neighbors, her family – I think she was afraid that anyone close to her would be in danger. Ben told me that their plans to start a family were on hold. I wanted to show her that she wasn't isolated, that she could have a life, even that she could have a good time. And everyone agreed."

"They sure did," Goren said with admiration. "There were dozens of people at that party. Many more than the house could hold. People were standing around outside and inside, coming and going. The drinks were in one room, the buffet in another, the music in another – "

"Small house."

"— almost as though the party had been set up to keep everyone moving, to make it impossible to know where everyone was at all times."

Alex folded her hands again. "Tell me something. Do you have any actual evidence against me?"

His hand went into the binder, out, slapped a cassette tape on the table between them.

She looked at it guardedly as Goren drew the tape player over and put the tape into it. "It was your idea for your sister to tape her phone calls."

"Yes. It was part of the stalking case we were building."

"And it was your idea for everyone to listen in on the call that night?"

"No. That was Ben's idea. He said that if Kennan called we should get the family into the den, and a couple of neighbors too, and put on the speakerphone, so everyone could hear what was going on and be able to testify to it if necessary." Alex shrugged. "I'd heard some of the messages he'd left. I didn't need to hear that pervert again. I left the room."

"Pity. Because, just by chance of course, everyone in the room has an alibi for Kennan's murder."

He pushed a button, and there was a recorded click on the tape, then a woman's voice, light and high. "Hello?"

"Hey, lover. How come you have a party and I don't get an invitation?"

"Josh? Is that you?"

"You know who this is. You can call me Josh if you want. I bet you call your husband Josh sometimes, don't you, at private moments? I know what you like in private moments – "

Distantly there was a sound of a male snarl and a thud.

"Is someone listening to our private talk?"

"No – it's – there's a lot of people around, Josh. It's a party."

"You don't need all those – "

Goren stopped the tape and fast forwarded, looking confused. "Sorry. Wrong segment. Your brother Doug left right at the beginning of the call, slammed the door. Can't say I blame him. This is more like it."

Kathy's voice was considerably more wrought up. " – just please, please stop! I mean, if you love me, if you say you love me, why do you want to make me so unhappy?"

"It's not me making you unhappy. It's us being apart. If you came back to me, you'd be perfectly happy, you wouldn't sound all messed up like this. We could – "

And then an unexpected and comic sound: a man sneezing. Kennan's tone changed instantly. "Kathy, did you lie to me? Are you letting someone else listen in on our private talk?"

"I – it's just – it's nothing, Josh, just keep – I want to ask – "

On Josh's end, a car alarm began going off. "I'm very disappointed in you, lover," he said, and there was a click.

Alex unclenched her jaw, looking from the tape machine to Goren, and realized he'd been watching her.

"How is that evidence against me?"

"Your sister had been, and rightly, hanging up on Kennan, refusing to talk to him. Suddenly, on this night, she decides to engage him in an eight-minute conversation? Did you hear her at the end there? 'Josh, just keep – ' Keep what? Keep talking? When she's been pleading with him to stop? And why suddenly, when you've been helping Kathy build her case, did you leave the room?"

"You answered your own question. I left because she was engaging him in a long call."

"What did you do for the next fifteen minutes?"

"See, I tried to explain this to Detective Logan. I'm just not sure. If I'd known someone was going to be killed, I'd have kept better track of my movements. I wanted to cool down, it made me so angry that he'd break into a family party like that. I went to Ben and Kathy's room for a few minutes, didn't even turn on the light, just stared out the window and tried to – tried to get some perspective. I went to the restroom. I got a bite to eat and talked to a friend of Kathy's I hadn't seen in awhile. I talked to my uncle, who drove all the way from Buffalo just to attend the party and show his support for Kathy. I talked to him for quite a while."

"Or," Goren said, "you went to your car, pulled on a plastic rain poncho and gloves, drove to the convenience store where Kennan was on the phone, shot him, got rid of the poncho and gloves and gun – probably just in the trunk of your car at that time, you wouldn't have had time to do the permanent disposal then – drove back to the party, went to the buffet table and called yourself to the attention of Kathy's friend."

"Wow. What am I, Superwoman?"

"A female detective duplicated it at the same time of night, driving to the same store and back, doing just what I've described. It took her – " Goren checked a note " – sixteen minutes and forty seconds."

"But of course, she knew where to go."

"Kathy had Caller ID installed. You would have been able to look at the number."

"The number of a pay phone at a convenience store? That wouldn't have told me anything."

"It would have told you everything if you'd memorized the numbers of every pay phone within, say, a three-mile radius of Kathy's house."

She laughed outright. "Do you have any idea how much effort that would take?"

"I do. It would have required sustained, cool planning. It's why I dismissed the idea of your brother's being guilty. Logan, you know, my partner, he liked your brother for this crime. He's made threats against Kennan, he left the room angry just as the call started, his whereabouts for the time of the murder are about as vague as yours. But I interviewed Doug, and this – memorizing the numbers so he'd know where Kennan was, the gloves and poncho, coming back to the party seemingly in the same mood, unchanged – it's not – it's not his psychology. If Doug had decided to kill Josh Kennan – "

A one-sided smile that Goren had come to associate with Alex quirked her mouth. Goren smiled back. "You see what I'm saying – "

"He'd have gone to Kennan's house," Alex said, almost enjoying the thought, "shot him as soon as he opened the door, gone to the nearest police station and said, 'I just killed the guy who was torturing my sister, the son of a bitch deserved it.'"

"Yes. Exactly. It's not a coincidence that he became a firefighter, he's a direct man of action. Not that he doesn't assess risk. But if he feels it's necessary, he won't think much about the risk to himself. The kind of protectiveness that runs into a burning building to carry out an old man. As opposed to the kind of protectiveness that helps a crack addict get clean and then put her life on track – step-by-step planning that takes time."

Silence from the other side of the table. Goren asked, "Did you know there was a security camera at the convenience store?"

Without waiting for an answer, he turned on the TV set at the end of the table and played the tape already in the VCR.


	3. Chapter 3

_"Law & Order: Criminal Intent," including the characters of Robert Goren, Alexandra Eames, Mike Logan and Megan Wheeler, is a Wolf Films production copyrighted by Universal Network Television._

The camera had obviously been mounted to view the parking lot at the side of the store; the pay telephone was in the far lower-right corner, almost as if by accident. The image, grainy and gray as most security tapes, showed from overhead a man on the telephone, turning as he talked. He glanced off to his left, turned rather sharply and hung up the phone, just as a ghostly figure moved into the lower center of the frame. It looked white and enveloped on the tape, the rain poncho Goren had described, with the hood pulled up. The top of the hood could be seen, the white arm extending, the gun just a shade darker than the pavement beneath. The arm, the whole figure, jarred slightly; the man dropped; it was hard to see the expression on his face but his arms were waving; the hooded figure moved closer, extending the gun.

Goren paused the tape there and looked at Alex. She sucked in her breath, as if surprised or relieved at the halt in the action, and looked at him.

"You see the sleeves of the poncho, gathered in at the wrists? Go – go ahead, look at it," he encouraged her, since she obviously didn't want to. "The killer rubber-banded the sleeves to the gloves. Probably had something on to cover the face, too. This was a person who knew enough to avoid gunshot residue and any blood spatter that might blow back."

Alex cleared her throat. "So then – an American who watches television? That should help."

"Unfortunately, this is as close as the killer got to the telephone or anything upright. The angle makes it difficult to estimate the killer's height. We can tell that it's not a child or a basketball player, but that's about it."

"So this still isn't evidence against me specifically." The beautiful voice was strained. "Is there a reason why we have to watch this?"

"There's one thing the killer does that I don't understand," Goren said, almost chattily, as though he didn't hear her tension. "Watch this closely, now. This is key."

He paused a moment more before pressing Play.

The ghostly figure moved closer to the center of the frame, gun extended. The man on the ground tried to rise, couldn't, rolled over, trying to cover his head with his arms.

The killer stood, gun still extended, as Josh Kennan writhed.

Then the killer's figure and Kennan's jolted both at once. The ghost disappeared the way it had come. Kennan remained still, the dark blotchiness on his head visible even to the camera.

That image remained. It was so still that when Goren paused it the difference was minimal.

Goren began to say something, closed his mouth at the sight of Alex's face. One tear was running down her cheek.

But she said nothing. So after a moment Goren said, very softly, "Why did you wait so long before the second shot, Alex?"

She said nothing, blinking, her hands clutched together hard.

"This man who had terrorized your sister – you wanted him to feel terror, didn't you? You wanted time for him to realize that he was going to die and there was nothing he could do about it. Did you say anything – "

She was shaking her head.

"No? Then why did you hesitate before the coup de grace, Alex?"

She cleared her throat, shook her head again. "I mean, no. That wasn't me. So I don't know why – why the hesitation." She looked at him defiantly.

Goren sighed, rested his forehead on the tips of his long fingers for a moment. Then he put his forearms down, stretched almost to where they could have touched Alex's balled fists.

"You know, I have tremendous sympathy for the person who committed this crime. Anyone would. If the killer took responsibility for the murder, came forward, a plea agreement could be reached. I'm sure – " he smiled briefly – "I'm sure the DA doesn't want to take this particular case before a jury. It's so embarrassing when a killer gets an award of merit from twelve fellow citizens."

Silence.

"But you understand that we're talking about very serious charges here. It's perfectly clear that this crime was thoroughly premeditated. Josh Kennan was a despicable human being, but he was not threatening anyone's life at the time that he was killed. There was no imminent danger, to the shooter or anyone else. The killer shot a man who had just finished making a phone call, then stood over him enjoying it while he writhed in agony, probably pleading for his life, and shot him again. Great pains were taken to avoid discovery, so an insanity defense is out of the question. Clearly the killer knew that what he was doing was wrong and illegal." Goren sighed and closed his binder. "If the DA is forced to bring this before a jury, you know he'll find witnesses who will claim that Kennan – "

The door opened sharply and Logan walked in. "Cut her loose," he said.

Goren looked up. "What?"

Wordlessly, Logan handed him the paper. Alex's gaze moved quickly from Logan to Goren to the paper, and she took the opportunity, while Goren was reading, to wipe the tear from her face.

"I – see," Goren said, reading the report. "I see." He looked up again at Logan. "Are we going now?"

"Right now. I'll gloat about me being right and you being wrong later."

Goren stood and Alex said, "Wait. What's this about?"

Goren turned to her, paused in picking up the binder.

"If you tell her she'll warn him before we get there."

"He's not the type to run," Goren said.

"Who?" Alex said at the same moment that Logan began, "You know, your psychology's been a little off – "

"And technically she's still under arrest," Goren said. "We can keep her from making a phone call for twenty minutes."

"What is that?" Alex said sharply, looking at the paper.

"She deserves to know," Goren said, sitting down again. Logan shrugged, a tolerant look on his face, closed the door and remained standing beside it.

"You may know that the gun that killed Josh Kennan was never found," Goren said. "But the bullet's ballistics," he waved the paper a bit, "match up to other bullets that we have in the system. So we now know that the gun that killed Kennan had previously been used by a gang-banger on a member of a rival gang. We had certain identification that he was the shooter, but he fled the scene with the weapon and wasn't seen for a couple of weeks. He was found because he was hiding out at the home of a friend who ran a meth lab when the friend blew himself up and burned down the house. The gang-banger died of smoke asphyxiation at the scene. His gun wasn't found there."

Alex looked confused; the emotional wracking she'd been through was just now beginning to crack her façade. "So? He could have put it – anyone could have – "

"Oh, yes," Goren said gently. "But it's very suggestive that your brother's company was the one called to the fire."

"That doesn't mean he was there."

"Except that he was. We know he was one of the responders."

Alex stared at him. Her hands began shaking, just a bit.

"You understand. He had motive. He had the opportunity, people lost track of him at the party during the crucial time. This report shows that he had the means to commit the crime. Put those three together with the threats he'd made against Kennan – "

Alex swallowed convulsively.

After a moment, Logan said, "Come on, let's move," and Goren stood.

"Stop," Alex said.


	4. Chapter 4

_"Law & Order: Criminal Intent," including the characters of Robert Goren, Alexandra Eames, Mike Logan, and Megan Wheeler, is a Wolf Films production copyrighted by Universal Network Television._

She looked up at Goren, her voice steady but her eyes pleading. "You know he didn't do it."

"We don't. Know. That."

She looked at the table, nodded her head a few times, looked back up. "I killed Josh Kennan."

Energetically, Logan grabbed a chair, pulled it over, sat down. "Prove it."

She gave a quick broken laugh. "First I say I'm innocent, and you want me to prove I didn't do it. Now I say I'm guilty, and you want me to prove that I did."

"That's the kind of jam-up you get yourself into when you kill someone," Logan said, not unsympathetically.

"You got the gun from Doug?" Goren was seated now, still facing her, Logan on her left, between her and the door.

"Does he – Does that have to be established? He could get in real trouble for taking something from the scene of a fire."

Goren and Logan exchanged a look. She'd just confessed to murder, and she was worried about her brother's career standing. "We'll see what we can do," Goren said gently. "Where is the gun?"

"In the river. I weighted down the bag pretty well, so I doubt if it drifted far from the bridge where I dropped it. I can show you where that is."

"Why – why did Doug take it from the fire scene and then give it to you?"

"He wasn't going to. I was – When Kathy found that decapitated cat on her porch and told me, I was – distraught. Kennan had so much money, no job, nothing but time, even if Kathy and Ben left town he'd have tracked her down. All that we could prove against him – we had recording of unnerving phone calls. That was it. That poor animal – That night Doug showed me the gun. All he told me was that he'd got it from someone with no connection to our family. He said he was going to find Kennan and threaten him, scare the crap out of him." Alex shook her head. "I knew how that would end. Kennan would say something disgusting and Doug would end up killing him."

"So?" Logan said. "I mean, excuse me, but why not Doug? Why did you want to be the one to kill him?"

She looked at him as though he had just asked the sum of two plus two. "Doug has a family. My parents are getting older, they need each other. Kathy and Ben have each other to look after, maybe children someday."

"And you have – " Goren said.

"I have them. I have my parents and my brothers and Kathy. My younger brother doesn't have a family either, but I certainly wasn't going to ask my baby brother to kill someone. And I wasn't going to let Kathy be killed. And I wasn't going to let any of them go to jail."

"That's how you got the gun from Doug? By reminding him how his family would suffer if he went to jail?"

"Yes. I told him I'd get rid of it, remove the temptation from us all."

"And instead you began planning to kill Kennan in a way that wouldn't implicate your family."

"No. Well – "

Alex was thinking about it, and Goren tilted his head a little, watching her.

"Yes. I didn't really admit it to myself. I just started thinking – if I were going to kill – someone, just suppose – how would I – "

"And it moved out of the realm of speculation – "

"The day that the wheel came off Kathy's car," she said, hard and flat. "I suggested and planned the party. I told Ben that if Kennan called during the party, he should gather our family with some disinterested people in the den and get Kathy to draw out the call as long as possible."

"Didn't Ben wonder – "

"He didn't ask, and I didn't explain. Then I got started on a list of pay phones near Kathy's house. There aren't as many as there used to be, have you noticed? All the cell phones."

"How did you know Kennan would call during the party?" Logan asked.

"I didn't. I just knew it was the kind of thing he'd do. He wouldn't let Kathy have a social evening with friends and not remind her that he was still out there, watching. At the same time – "

She sighed, deeply and sharply, and sat back. Her hands, mouth, posture were all relaxed for the first time.

" – I almost hoped he wouldn't call. But he did."

She seemed to think that was the end.

"And when he did – " Goren prodded.

"Oh. You know the rest. As soon as I saw what number he was calling from, I went to my car where I had the list of telephone locations. I put on a sweater I'd got from a thrift store, ski mask, latex gloves, the poncho, other gloves over the latex and rubber-banded the sleeves of the poncho to them."

"Holy cow," Logan whispered half-admiringly.

"I drove to the store and parked across the street from the telephone. I could see he was still there. I got out of my car on the passenger side and put a sheet open on the ground. I started across the street and set off my car alarm as I went."

"Ah." Logan pointed at Goren. "He was the first to say that the car alarm on the phone call wasn't just coincidental street noise."

Goren spread his hands and raised his eyebrows. "Stood to reason. Even – even in New York people will notice gunfire, but a car alarm – "

"No one even looks around," Alex said. "That's what I was counting on. Well. After, afterward, I went back to the car, turned off the alarm, crouched down by my car. I tried to take off all the outer stuff as carefully as I could, given that I needed to get it done fast, put it all on the sheet with the gun and the telephone list. I put down the latex gloves last, pulled up the corners of the sheet, rolled it all together. I had a big zipper bag that opened wide in the trunk of my car with three bricks already in it. I put the sheet in there. Just as I was getting in the car, a guy went tearing from the parking lot into the store. I think he'd just found it, the body. I started the car and drove away as calmly as I could. I don't think anyone noticed."

"And then went back to the party and chatted. That's the part that gets me," Logan said, his tone rather hard.

"It actually – That was easier than I thought. You want to block it out so much. You want to pretend it didn't happen. It's like my mind covered it over and said, We'll deal with it later."

Goren leaned forward. "Why did you wait before the second shot?"

Alex averted her gaze, then looked straight back at him. "You just don't realize. You think – I was so afraid for Kathy and so determined to get this – this blight out of her life before it killed her. And I was so focused on the logistics. Kathy's filed eight police reports accusing Josh of stalking, how do I make sure she has an alibi? Better yet, the whole family? How do I not get caught? You plan it and you walk over to him and you're still thinking about him sabotaging Kathy's car and you fire. You don't realize – "

She paused to steady her voice, but continued to meet Goren's gaze.

"The shot hit him in the gut and knocked him flat. He was on his back looking up at me, puzzled, he just didn't understand what had happened. Then he saw the gun and his blood and he realized. He was trying to say something but he couldn't get sounds out, and the sounds he was making, I couldn't hear well over my car alarm. He looked up at me, he was terrified, pleading. He was so afraid and he didn't want to die. And I didn't want to – But if he ever had Kathy like this, in front of him, pleading for her life – and he would, if I didn't finish – He tried to cover his head and roll away and I just, I tried to make sure – "

A deep shuddering sound came from her midsection as if the ghost of her own bullet had hit her.

"I had to make sure the second bullet went into his head."

She covered her face, and a little ripple ran along her back.

Logan stood and backed toward the door, as if trying to put distance between himself and her emotion, and Goren looked up at him with a faint trace of a familiar irritation.

"I'll get started on the paperwork," Logan said. "Are you going to have her get it in writing?"

Goren nodded, and said, as Logan opened the door, "Have someone bring in a box of tissues."

Logan closed the door. Alex wiped her eyes with her hands. Goren took a business card, not from the ubiquitous binder but from the breast pocket of his jacket, and pushed it across the table to her.

"You're still going to need a lawyer," he said. "Especially – especially now that you've made a statement."

She smiled at him weakly, looked at the card, picked it up and looked at it again.

"I've heard of him, of course," she said. "But I think you have an exaggerated idea of what social workers make."

"He's an old friend of mine. We – we trade favors. I think you'll find his rates, um, very reasonable."

She closed the card in her palm, looking at him, sitting up straighter. "I should get Doug to pay for part of it, anyway." She was trying to be sardonic, overcoming her emotion. "If he hadn't left the party when he had, you wouldn't have had a clear-cut case against anyone, and I wouldn't have had to confess."

"Well. Yes. But if someone had caught you taking off the poncho and ski mask, we wouldn't have needed your confession. Fortune favors – "

Alex began the exact same maxim at the exact same moment. Goren gave it the normal ending, " – the brave."

"I was going to say, the intelligent," Alex said.

Goren slid a pad of paper and pencil out of the binder and pushed it over to her. Her fingers touched the bottom of the pad before he'd released the top, and they remained so for just a moment, their hands inches apart.

"I'm sorry that – " she began, "I'm sorry this is how – "

He nodded. "I have the feeling that in another life, we could have been friends."

"Friends, at least," she said.

The door opened. A uniformed female officer brought in a box of tissues, saying, as she did so, "Detective Logan said to tell you the bank president is calling about those bonds."

"Well." Goren picked up his binder and stood, and the officer posted herself in a corner of the room. "Can't keep a bank president on hold."

"Oh, no." Alex picked up the pencil.

He could not stop himself from turning as he left the room. "I don't – I don't regret doing my job. But in this case – "

She looked up at him. "See you in another life," she said, and gave him her little one-sided smile as he closed the door.


End file.
